Never Let Go
by guitarstrings0187
Summary: "And Quinn would eternally be grateful that it all started when she decided to hold Rachel's hand for the first time. The one who made her realize that holding hands wasn't just an act of possessiveness, but meant different, heartwarming things in various circumstances." Five times Quinn holds hands with Rachel, and one time where she and Rachel hold their daughter's hands.


" _He understands why people hold hands; he'd always thought it was about possessiveness, saying 'This is mine.' But it's about maintaining contact. It is about speaking without words. It is about 'I want you with me and don't go.'"_

 _-Cassandra Clare, City of Bones_

* * *

Quinn never really understood why couples loved holding hands so much. Every time she walked out of her dorm and out into the streets of New Haven, she could see couples with their fingers intertwined, both young and old. She can hear them talking and laughing, hips bumping and hands swaying. Eyes locked and hands even more so.

They looked happy, and she couldn't deny that. But she wondered if holding hands and announcing to the whole world that they were a couple were necessary. Maybe she'll didn't understand at all, because she'd never held hands with the people she'd been in a relationship with. She never got the point of it, and she didn't try at least once to hold hands with other people.

And they never tried holding her hand, either.

Even in New York whenever she came to visit Rachel, she would always see people reaching out for their partner's hand, and these people would look at each other and smile, as though having come to an understanding of some sort. But it didn't mean that she didn't want to experience what these people were having at one point in her life, because whenever she was with Rachel, her palms would itch to feel the brunette's against them.

They've been dating for quite a while now, and the urge to take Rachel's hand just grew _stronger_ each time. She wondered how Rachel's hand would feel against her own; if her fingers would fill the void in between hers. If, somehow, holding Rachel's hand would _finally_ make her understand why people did it.

And maybe tonight was the moment where she would finally muster the courage to reach out for Rachel's hand. Glancing sideways, she watched Rachel whistle cheerfully, her long eyelashes fluttering with each blink of her eye. Her hand swaying at her side, looking a little lonely.

Quinn blinked and subtly brushed the back of her hand against Rachel's, and the brunette looked at her and smiled, brown orbs sending her reeling. She returned the smile and slid their hands together, watching Rachel's eyes widen in pleasant surprise. And it was a moment of perfect clarity when she locked their fingers. A sudden realization accompanied with warmth that spread throughout her whole body, starting from her fingertips, up to her shoulders, and down to her feet.

A jolt of electricity coursing through her veins, her skin tingling as she swayed their interlaced hands in the air.

Rachel's hand was small and smooth, yet it felt _perfect_ holding it. A perfect fit, just like puzzle pieces falling into place into each other.

It wasn't telling the whole world that they were dating; it was simply enjoying the contact of Rachel's smooth skin against hers, the notion that they were filling each other's empty spaces. That Rachel was sealing away the void within her, closing every space she had.

And when Rachel squeezed her hand, eyes twinkling and smiling with her pearly white teeth showing, Quinn knew that it meant that she liked holding her hand, too.

* * *

Her feet dragged her back and forth across the floor of her living room, her copy of her thesis in her hands and legs shaking with nervous energy. It was the first time in her life that she felt very anxious about something, She'd studied every word, every sentence, every paragraph day and night, thinking of possible questions that could arise from the panel while she read.

The defense was coming up in just three hours, and Rachel had already stopped her from drinking coffee last night so that she could get some actual rest. She didn't know how exhausted she was until she finally collapsed on her bed, with Rachel snuggling and kissing her as a form of distraction from her worries.

Needless to say, it worked. She'd been running high on caffeine for the last week and Rachel had decided that it was enough, otherwise she would be all twitchy and jumpy by the time she stood on the platform.

But even though she didn't have any caffeine in her system at all right now, she was still feeling jumpy with excess nerves and Rachel was rubbing her back and her arms in an attempt to calm her down. She honestly didn't know how Rachel managed to keep her cool when she was going to perform onstage, in front of hundreds or even _thousands_ of people.

"Quinn, you really need to calm down," came Rachel's voice, and Quinn jumped up in her surprise.

She turned around and saw Rachel leaning against the doorframe of her bedroom, wearing one of her shirts and only a thong for her bottom. Her arms were folded across her chest, an amused smile playing at her lips.

"Stressing yourself out right now isn't going to help, trust me," Rachel said as she walked towards Quinn, hips swaying seductively.

Quinn swallowed and looked at the papers in her hand, which had red circles and different highlights all over the words. Sighing heavily, she threw them down on the table and rubbed her forehead. Rachel looked sympathetically at her and rubbed her arms, murmuring quiet reassurances that helped ease Quinn's nerves.

"You're right. I just- Everything's riding on this and I can't afford to mess up," Quinn exhaled sharply and ran a hand through her hair while shaking her head.

"And you won't," Rachel reassured her, sliding her hand down to touch Quinn's. "Quinn, you've prepared really well for this. When we were in high school, you said it yourself. You're going to graduate at the top of your class. And you _will_ ," Rachel emphasized, looking at Quinn determinedly as she slid their hands together. "I'm sure of it."

Quinn glanced down at their locked fingers and took a deep and calming breath, then looked back into Rachel's eyes. Eyes that were filled with so much love and hope and _belief_ in her. And the hand that held hers, putting her at ease.

It meant, _I believe that you can do this_.

And she believed it too.

* * *

Laughter echoed throughout Quinn's bedroom as she tangled in the sheets with Rachel, rolling on top of each other, their bare skin rubbing. It was a celebration of her success in the defense, having gotten high marks and remarks of approval and congratulations from the panel. She felt high on her success and happiness, and what made things even better was that Rachel was there for her to share them with.

The one person that held her hand through it all.

She moaned when Rachel crawled down her body and planted kisses all over her core, brown eyes looking up at her with delight. Chest heaving, she threw her head back against the pillows and bucked her hips, gripping the sheets tightly with both hands as Rachel gave kittenish licks to her nether lips. Rachel was definitely good with her mouth, and not only in terms of singing. Quinn had been a continuing witness to that every time they made love.

Rachel switched to broad strokes with her tongue, and Quinn gasped and shuddered, screwing her eyes shut as she focused on the sensation of Quinn's lips brushing against her folds. It always was an out-of-bodily experience whenever Rachel went down on her, and she sometimes felt that that mouth was going to be the death of her.

" _Oh, fuck!"_ Quinn exclaimed as Rachel latched her lips firmly against her clit, gently sucking and nipping on the bundle of nerves. "God, yes!" she gasped sharply, desperately clutching onto the sheets as Rachel paid close attention to her nub.

Rachel hummed, sending vibrations all around her core as she panted heavily. Her eyes flew open when Rachel grabbed her hands, grasping them tightly against her own. She looked down and moaned gutturally at the sight of Rachel's head between her legs, lapping eagerly at her sex.

She squeezed Rachel's hands as the brunette's tongue entered her, flicking at her walls and thrusting in and out of her. Their eyes met, and Quinn shivered at the concentrated expression on Rachel's face. She resisted the urge to close her legs, but didn't stop the moans and mewls that spilled from her lips. Rachel tongued her faster, her core making slick, squelching sounds.

Rachel kept her grounded, fingers woven securely around hers. Her lower belly fluttered and her walls clenched possessively around Rachel's tongue, and she bucked her hips more insistently. She was close to the climax, and Rachel seemed to sense this as she thrust her tongue more quickly.

"It's okay, Quinn. You can let go," Rachel coaxed her, and Quinn gasped and arched her body high off the bed as she let go of everything.

Everything except for Rachel's hands.

Rachel didn't let go of her either, even as they traded soft and chaste kisses after she came down from her high. She smiled as Rachel held up their laced fingers when she finally calmed down, and that was when she realized something else.

That Rachel would hold her hand through all the storms that came their way and whenever she was bare and vulnerable.

* * *

There were tears in her eyes as she walked across the aisle, towards _Rachel_. Tears of joy and hope for the future, one that involved Rachel with her for an eternity and more. Her vision was blurry and she could barely see, but Hiram was guiding her and making sure that she didn't stumble along the way.

Blinded by her tears, she couldn't see that Rachel had eyes only for her the moment the doors opened and she started walking. But even she couldn't look at anything or anyone else, keeping her eyes straight ahead as she marched forward.

And then she was standing in front of Rachel, with her hazel eyes glistening with unshed tears and her heart beating fast. With shaky hands, Rachel pulled back the veil, and Quinn saw that she had been crying too. Still, despite their tears, they both giggled and wiped each other's tears away, only to have more springing out in the end.

At that moment they only had their eyes on each other, and Quinn smiled and held Rachel's hands, feeling their warmth against their own. It didn't feel like it was so long ago that she made the first move to slide her hand onto Rachel's, until their palms touched and their fingers linked.

A moment of perfect clarity, as she so perfectly recalled. And standing in front of Rachel now, a realization that this had been a long time coming. Holding hands together at the altar, waiting to exchange their vows and seal their wedding with a kiss.

A kiss that would start the next step of their relationship together as a married couple.

They exchanged their vows, and Quinn promised to be a faithful wife, to love Rachel through all the challenges that would come their way, to _never_ give up on them no matter what happened. Thanked her for caring about her and for being the most understanding person she had ever met, for guarding her heart and always putting her feelings into consideration.

For loving her despite her many flaws, for making her feel beautiful inside and out whenever she was insecure, for reminding her time and time again that she was so much more than just a pretty face. For choosing her and _accepting_ her for who she was. _Every single part of her_.

For being patient and holding her hand whenever she showed signs of shutting herself off.

She finished by promising to Rachel that she would _always_ choose her and continue to be in love with her for always.

Rachel just cried harder at the end of her speech, and Quinn found it maddening how she can still manage to look so beautiful even when her eyes were rimmed red and with tears running down her face.

By the time the priest announced that they could kiss, Quinn leaned forward and captured Rachel's lips in a deep kiss, their fingers woven together tightly, unbreakable.

They sealed their vows with not only a kiss, but also with their intertwined fingers.

A commitment to hold each other through the good times and the bad.

* * *

Quinn gasped in pain as she was wheeled across the hospital. She was hit with a feeling of déjà vu while she clutched on tightly to the armrests and fought off a scream of agony. Gritting her teeth, she steeled herself and took deep breaths, vaguely aware of the presence of her wife due to the pain she was feeling.

The only thing that made it infinitely better was that she was having a baby with someone she loved, someone who genuinely and truly cared about her and _loved_ her unconditionally in return.

She had a mini panic attack when she was wheeled into the delivery room and carefully transferred to the bed, and darted her eyes around in search of her wife. During the time she was giving birth to Beth, no one had held her hand through it. They were only touching her back and her arms, but no one offered a hand for her to squeeze when she was going through labor.

And she had been screaming at Puck the whole time in sheer anger, but this time, she wasn't going to scream that Rachel sucked or that she hated her. Because it had been true for Puck, but most definitely not for her wife.

"Where's my wife!?" she hissed as the nurses and the doctor started to prepare themselves.

"I'm here, baby!" Rachel walked briskly towards Quinn and sat down on the chair beside the bed, immediately holding out her hand.

Relief flooded Quinn's features as she grabbed on to Rachel's hand, sweat breaking out of her forehead as the contractions became stronger. Rachel clasped her other hand around the other side of Quinn's and squeezed firmly as a show of support. The doctor got into position and spread her legs, and Quinn clutched tightly onto Rachel.

"Okay, I need you to push for me. Push as hard as you can, okay?" The doctor said gently, and Quinn gasped and threw her head back, unaware of how tight her hold on Rachel's hand was.

It was torture when she gave birth to Beth, and it was still torture now. Her screams echoed throughout the room as she _pushed_ , with the doctors and the nurses occasionally encouraging her. But she didn't care about them. She blocked them out and listened to Rachel only, moaning out her wife's name in pain.

"You can do this, baby. Just keep pushing," Rachel murmured soothingly and leaned forward to kiss her sweat-matted hair. "Be strong for our daughter, okay?"

Quinn couldn't help but smile for a brief moment at that. _Our daughter_. The baby girl she was giving birth to for their _family_. But it was short-lived, because the contractions suddenly became faster and more painful. A scream was forced out of her lungs and she dug her nails into Rachel's hand, her grip quite strong that it made her wife wince in pain.

Still, Rachel didn't let go of her hand, but instead held on more tightly, giving her the strength and support that she needed.

"It'll be okay, Quinn. Just a little more. I can already see our baby girl's head," Rachel encouraged her, and Quinn swallowed and nodded, creasing her forehead as she forced another hard push, the veins popping out of her neck from her effort.

Rachel gave her hand another firm squeeze, a gesture that told her to hold on and be strong, and that it was nearly over. She sobbed and shrieked while she kept on pushing, and every minute felt like an hour, like the agony wasn't ever going to go away. Breathing heavily, she sat up and screamed again, both tears and sweat running down her face.

"Just one more!" The doctor exclaimed.

"Okay, Quinn. One last time, and we're going to see our daughter," Rachel said softly, her voice calming Quinn down a little. "I promise I'm not letting go of your hand, so squeeze mine and push the hardest that you can, okay?"

Quinn took a sharp intake of breath and concentrated all her strength into that moment, pushing with all her might as she yelled and screwed her eyes shut, her grip on Rachel's hand also the strongest it had been. Rachel grimaced but didn't complain, and Quinn finally lay slack on the bed, her energy fully drained and spent.

And when the sound of their daughter's cries bounced off of the walls of the room, Quinn couldn't help but smile weakly. She barely registered the sensation of Rachel's lips against her forehead, but it only made her smile grow bigger.

She just gave birth to _their_ daughter. With no heartaches of a teenage pregnancy or the worry of how she was going to raise a child when she still had her own needs to worry about. No tears of misery and frustration as to how she could be stupid enough to give her first time while she was drunk.

There was just a sense of peace and joy, with Rachel still holding her hand.

She craned her neck and looked at Rachel, her expression soft and filled with love as brown orbs stared back at her. "I love you…" she murmured weakly, watching as Rachel smiled back at her, eyes shining with love and happiness.

"I love you too, Quinn," Rachel whispered and kissed her fingers one by one, then leaned forward to gently press their lips together.

Shortly after, the doctor approached them, their daughter cradled securely in his arms and a weary but triumphant smile on his face. Tears fell down Quinn's face as the doctor gave her their baby, and she held her in her arms like the way she held Beth all those years ago. Almost at once, their daughter stopped crying and Quinn giggled and gently rocked the tiny bundle of joy back and forth, small, hazel eyes looking back up at her in wonder.

"She's beautiful," Rachel murmured reverently and stood from her chair, her own eyes glistening with happy tears. "And she has your eyes," she added in awe.

Quinn nearly choked at the loving gaze Rachel gave to their tiny daughter, and she stopped her rocking while she let her wife have a moment with the beautiful life she just brought into this world. Rachel cooed softly and the baby yawned, shuffling closer to Quinn.

"She's just like you," Rachel said quietly and placed her hand on top of Quinn's.

Quinn gasped at the sight of Rachel's hand, indentations of her nails littered it, along with some small wounds that bled and a bruise that was beginning to grow by her thumb. It was her doing, and yet, Rachel never uttered a word of complaint all throughout her labor. Rachel, noticing this, just shook her head and smiled, her eyes shining with understanding.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine, I promise. And besides, this is nothing compared to the pain you just went through," Rachel shrugged, and Quinn felt herself falling for her wife all over again.

"And my hand can be broken and bruised for all it's worth, but nothing can stop me from touching and holding yours," Rachel added solemnly. Quinn took a shaky breath and nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment.

All of her energy might have been drained, but Rachel's hand on hers gave her all the strength that she needed.

* * *

"Mommy!"

The sound of her five-year old daughter's excited squeal prompted Quinn to get off her chair and go down on her knees. She grinned as her daughter came barreling towards her, and she gathered the little blonde in her arms.

"Are you ready for school, sweetheart?" Quinn asked, and her daughter nodded vigorously, her pigtails bobbing up and down. She laughed at the very Rachel-like beam the tiny blonde wore, her hazel eyes alight with uncontained excitement.

"Hazel, sweetie, did you disturb your mommy from her morning coffee?"

Quinn looked up and saw Rachel leaning on the kitchen counter, a fond expression on her face. She mouthed a 'good morning' to her beloved wife, and the brunette mouthed back the greeting.

"Nope, our baby girl didn't disturb me from anything at all. Right, sweetie?" Quinn tickled Hazel lightly, and her daughter squeaked and giggled in delight.

Rachel had thought of the name 'Hazel', because she said that they both had the same eye color, which was, of course, hazel. She had suggested it with a quiet murmur, having looked back and forth between her and their daughter. And she agreed to it, because truth be told, it sounded perfect.

"I love you, mommy," Hazel beamed up at Quinn. Then, turning to Rachel, she said, "I love you too, momma."

"We love you too, sweetie," Quinn and Rachel chorused, and the married couple looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"Alright, just let me go finish my coffee and we'll take you to school, okay?" Quinn patted Hazel's head and kissed her forehead. Hazel nodded and ran off to Rachel as Quinn sat back down and finished her drink, then washed her empty mug.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Rachel pouted. Quinn laughed and swooped in for a kiss, and her wife hummed happily against her lips. "Much better," Rachel grinned and patted Quinn's chest. "Now how about we bring our daughter to her first day of school?"

Quinn kissed Rachel again and nodded, and once sure that they hadn't forgotten anything, the family left their apartment. Hazel was bouncing on her feet, brimming with energy and a huge smile plastered on her face. Rachel held their daughter's hand, making sure that they wouldn't get separated among the busy New Yorkers.

And then it hit her. Her mom and dad didn't hold her hand when she went on her first day of kindergarten. They had just spent the car ride in complete silence, and she remembered staying quiet herself the whole time. She was more nervous than excited, and the silent treatment from her parents hadn't helped her at all.

When they had gotten to school, all she remembered was getting a small pat on the head from her father and a disgruntled 'do well'. As for her mother, all she had been given was a small smile and then she was sent on her way. But all around her, the other mothers and fathers were holding their children's hands and most, if not all of them, walked those little kids all the way to the classroom.

The parents had given their children encouraging smiles, going down on their knees to kiss those tiny foreheads. Squeezing those small hands, telling them that everything was going to be okay and that they were going to have fun and make new friends.

And all she had gotten was a half-hearted pat on the head and a barely audible message for her to do well.

Not even her own mother and father had bothered to hold her hand when she needed it for the first time.

She didn't want her own daughter to go through that, so she reached out and held Hazel's small hand in hers. The small blonde's eyes sparkled with happiness, those green orbs looking up at her with unbridled joy. Quinn didn't fight the grin that spread across her face and she heard Rachel giggle as she swayed their hands in the air.

They arrived at the school, and they talked while they made their way towards the kindergarten building. By this time, Hazel was squealing in delight at the sight of the other kids, making Quinn swear that she most definitely inherited Rachel's happy energy. But at least she wouldn't have to be worried so much about their daughter making friends because of that.

As soon as they arrived in front of Hazel's classroom, Quinn dropped down to her knees and smiled at her daughter. Bright hazel eyes looked at her expectantly, her daughter still bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Go and make a lot of friends, okay? Me and momma are sure that you're going to do really great in there," Quinn grinned and pulled her daughter in for a hug. Hazel nodded against her chest, and Quinn let her go.

"Okay, mommy," Hazel said in a singsong voice, causing Quinn to laugh.

"Your mommy's right, sweetie. Here's your snacks, and don't be shy to share some with your friends, okay?" Rachel smiled and bent her knees to kiss Hazel's forehead. "Have a great day at school, sweetie!"

Rachel gave Hazel the lunch box and stood back up, then took her other hand again. Quinn held the other one and smiled at Rachel as they walked their daughter into the classroom, one small hand in hers and the other in her wife's.

And to her, it meant everything. When love-filled brown orbs looked at her, they made a silent agreement and promise to each other that they would hold not only each other's hands, but also their daughter's, through their life with each other.

It meant that they were a family, and that they would always look after each other. And Quinn would eternally be grateful that it all started when she decided to hold Rachel's hand for the first time.

The one who made her realize that holding hands wasn't just an act of possessiveness, but meant different, heartwarming things in various circumstances.

And right now, it meant that she wanted Rachel and Hazel with her; that she loved them with all that she had, and that she would never let them go.

Like the way Rachel never let go of her hand when she gave birth to their angel.


End file.
